A DAY AT A TIME

September 2012

 I have been seeing my doctor every week.  I am extremely grateful for him. He is the type of doctor that takes extra precautions and would rather be "safe than sorry" and that is EXACTLY what I need right now.  He does an ultrasound every week, just to check things and is always so kind whenever I have any questions.  As of now, the plan is that I will have my cerclage put in at 11 weeks.  Usually it's done around 14 weeks but since I lost our last baby at 15 weeks he wants to do it early.  So, my surgery is scheduled for October 3rd.  That's 3 days before my birthday!  At 16 weeks he said I will start weekly progesterone shots, and at 20 weeks I will most likely be on bedrest.  I'm not really thrilled about that, but at this point I will do anything to get this baby here!   Our goal is to at least make it to 24 weeks( if anything were to happen then, there is at least a chance the baby could survive with a lot of medical help).   I'm praying we make it to that point, and well beyond.   I'll get a steroid shot at 26 and then 32 weeks to help the baby's lungs mature early in case anything should happen and he or she came early.   After that our goal is 28 weeks, 32, 36, and so on.  So, it sounds like he has a great plan laid out.  I feel really confident in his abilities as an OB and I feel like we will be eternally indebted to Heavenly Father, and to Dr. Cook if this all turns out okay.  It seems like I have a long road ahead of me, but I'm just trying to take it day by day, and week by week.

On the flip side,  I have been feeling SO nauseous!  It's not as bad as my first pregnancy with the twins where I was throwing up all day every day and couldn't even keep a popsicle down, but it's no picnic either!  I feel better when I lie down, so any chance I get that's where I am!  Luckily I'm only working 3 days a week, and I have a big break during the day while the kids are at school to just go home and lie down. The only things that I can keep down are applesauce, graham crackers, TOAST(that's pretty much mostly what I eat) and oddly enough, eggs. I'll eat scrambled eggs for breakfast, and then a fried egg on toast for dinner most days.  I'm exhausted physically, and emotionally.  This is my 3rd time going through the first trimester in the last year and a half and I feel like I've been sick more than I havent.  It has really made me grateful for the good health that I do have when I'm not pregnant.  Feeling sick really gets my spirits down, and I can't imagine having to live like that all day every day of my life.  I told Joe "this may be our only kid because I don't think I can go through this again." He gets so bored when I'm sick because I never feel like doing anything but lying down.  I don't cook, I barely manage the laundry, and hardly vacuum, dust or clean anything.  The quality of life goes down for both of us. He said that this might be my only pregnancy because he doesn't know if HE can handle it again!  Ha ha!=) No really though, he is very loving and supportive and does the best he can to juggle work, his calling, a miserable wife and dirty apartment.  I'm anxiously awaiting the 12 week mark hoping that all goes well with the baby, and also hoping that the nausea will start to ease up.

9 Weeks

The Heartbeat

09-04-12 I had my second appointment today.  I had no idea how far along I was, so that was my number one question of the day.  They asked if it would be okay if another doctor did the ultrasound because my doctor was doing a delivery.  I was completely fine with it.  She was young, and so sweet and personable.  I started to feel really nervous when she  started the ultrasound, but she quickly said "There's your baby, and there's the heartbeat!"  I hadn't thought I was far enough along for there to be a heartbeat yet, and hadn't really even considered the fact that I might have gone to my appointment that day, and not seen a heartbeat and found out it wasn't a viable pregnancy.  I'm SO glad I didn't have to go through that, especially since Joe wasn't with me.  A flood of relief washed over my body thinking about what could have been, and I couldn't help but smile at the good news! It is so incredible to me to see the heartbeat of something SO tiny.  What a miracle it is!  If that doesn't testify of the reality of God, I don't know what does.

Since I never had a period after my last miscarriage and d&c, she had to measure the embryo to find out how far along I was.  She meaured 3 times and then said "Looks like your due date is April 21st......you're 7 weeks along!" I couldn't believe it! I had taken a pregnancy test with Joe there with me, back on August 3rd.  I had been feeling a little "off" and thought I was pregnant.  The test, however, said I was NOT pregnant.  I took another, same result.  So feeling a little disappointed, but glad that I had the answer, we had gone about our lives and not really thought about it.  I guess it had just been too early to tell at that time.  I had been pregnant then though!.  I realized quickly after I walked out of my appointment, that my due date was the day before my nephew Korver's birthday! I can't help but feel excited, and relieved.  I'm so glad I was able to get pregnant so quickly.  I'm still VERY scared and nervous, but we'll see how things go.

I immediately called Joe after I left, and shared the good news with him.  He couldn't believe I was already 7 weeks along, and that I had seen the heartbeat!  He was very happy to hear the news!  I wanted to call my mom and sister so badly and tell them, but I refrained.  We'll wait and see how the first trimester goes.  It's sad, but I now feel like the boy that cried wolf when it comes to telling my family I'm pregnant.  We've had the big moment where we tell everyone, twice now (the third pregnancy we lost very early so I hadn't shared it with them yet) and we have yet to actually make it through the pregnancy.  Hopefully everything will finally work out this time.  Joe has always told me "It will happen when it's meant to." I'm just praying that THIS is it!

New Beginnings

I mentioned in an earlier post that Joe and I have been taking some big "grown up" steps in our lives.  Besides purchasing our first home, I am also pregnant again!!  I'm 26 weeks along this week and things are going better than I ever could have dreamed.  I have been hesitant to share much until we got to this point, but I have been keeping somewhat of a little journal of my pregnancy and figured I would share it with my family and friends.  Especially since so many of you were there to support me during my very difficult miscarriage in May. If you missed the post I wrote about that very difficult experience, you can read about it here.  http://joeandbre.blogspot.com/2012_06_01_archive.html

After that miscarriage I ended up having to have a D&C to remove part of the placenta that was still in my uterus so it didn't cause infection.  I was heartbroken when the doctor called to tell me that was what she had seen in the ultrasound.  I was almost at the month mark, and would only have to wait one more month to try again to get pregnant.  So, this news was sad and upsetting because after the surgery I would have to wait 2 more months to try to get pregnant again so my body could heal. I felt like it was going to take forever again for me to get pregnant.

Everything went well with the surgery.  Thank heaven for Anesthesia!  I don't remember a thing!=)

The emotional healing is an entirely different story.  It has been by far the hardest thing I have ever had to get past.  Not a day passed for many many months that I didn't think about my baby boy, and shed tears over losing him.  Even now, I still shed tears just thinking about it.  That experience will always be with me, and I will always love and miss that little angel.

Fast forward to August................

I didn't feel confident with the practice and doctors that I was seeing, so I reached out to women in our ward for recommendations of doctors who specialized in high risk pregnancies.  I knew I would most likely have to have a cerclage and wanted a doctor that would be able to help me with that.  A sweet friend in our ward called and highly recommended her doctor.  She said he was the doctor that the doctors recommend.  She was pregnant with twins and had a cerclage in for safety precautions, and just raved about how much she loved her doctor.  So, Joe and I set up an appointment to meet with him.  Joe found out he went to A&M and they totally hit it off.  We were both blown away by how confident and knowledgeable he was!  I told him about my miscarriage and he said that it was his job to try and figure out what happened and to help us have a healthy pregnancy in the future.  He immediately ran tests that day, made a plan for a hysteroscopy, and Joe and I instantly completely trusted him and felt SOO much better than we ever had with my past doctor.

Fast forward to the end of August.................


08/27/12  I took a pregnancy test this morning because I have been feeling nauseous for the past little while.  I completely expected it to say "not pregnant" because Joe and I took two tests together about 3 weeks ago, and I thought I was pregnant then, and both said "not pregnant."  I was surprised when I looked down after brushing my teeth this morning, and saw "Pregnant!"  I knew the nauseousness had not been in my head!=)  When I start wanting to eat applesauce and graham crackers all the time, I know something's up!=)


I have a hysteroscopy scheduled tomorrow morning, where Dr. Cook was going to take a small camera up into my uterus to make sure it's shaped correctly, and that there's nothing structurally wrong that may be contributing to my miscarriages.  That's not an option now because I'm pregnant.  I went in to his office today and had them do a pregnancy test just to make sure.  Dr. Cook also did an ultrasound, and sure enough there is a little bean in my uterus! I can't believe I'm already pregnant again!  I felt like it was going to take forever again, and I'm so relieved that it didn't.  I'm also really nervous because I felt like the hysteroscopy may have provided some answers, and now I'm not able to have that done.  Everything happens for a reason though, and I will try not to worry or stress about it.  I have complete trust in my new doctor, and feel much more confident in his abilities to help us bring a child into this world.  It's kind of sad that Joe and I really don't get our hopes up anymore when I get pregnant.  We have been hurt so many times before that now we just see the positive pregnancy test as the first step.  There are many many more steps to come, and I know we're both afraid of being devastated again so we are very hesitant to let ourselves get excited.  I guess only time will tell what our future will hold. Joe did call me several times throughout the day today after I told him I had taken a test and it was positive.  I think he was anxious to hear how my appointment went and if I really was pregnant.  His voice was definitely chipper when I told him that their tests and ultrasound confirmed it! I feel so blessed, and so nervous.  We'll see what lies ahead for us.

On a side note,  I am really excited that if everything works out we should have our baby in time for us to be able to go to our big family reunion next summer with my dad's family.  In thinking about trying to get pregnant again, that was one of the things that kinda bummed me out....... that it may take a while for me to get pregnant again and I may not be able to go to the reunion.=)  Fingers crossed that all goes well and we can be there.

Our last Christmas with Just the Two of Us

This year for Christmas we stayed here in Pearland because my doctor wouldn't let me fly at this point in my pregnancy. Luckily I found out months in advance so I had time to prepare myself mentally.=)  We missed being able to spend time with my family, (especially my cute niece and nephews) but it ended up being better than I thought it would be.  Santa even came a little bit early for Joe this year.  He has been eying a smoker for a while now, and when the one he wanted was marked down $300 he just couldn't pass it up!  He called me and let me know he was at the store and he would be buying himself a Christmas Present.=) He rarely buys anything for himself, so I was more than happy about it! He has already made so many yummy things with it!

Since we just bought a new house and we have a baby on the way, I really wasn't wanting or expecting much for Christmas this year.  The only thing I  have been wanting is a new pillow, especially since my belly has been getting bigger.  There's nothing worse than not being able to sleep well at night.  Joe was sweet and picked out a really nice new memory foam pillow for me.  He said he had also gotten the baby a present and wanted me to open it.  Don't pay too much attention to the fact that I look a little scary=)  It was Christmas morning and I was still in my pjs!=)  

I was thinking it was a baby monitor or something, and I was really excited to open it.  You can tell from the hideous expression on my face that I was pleasantly surprised by what was in the box!

A new Silhouette Cameo!  I have been wanting one of these for years now!  It cuts out paper, vinyl, fabric, and I have seen so many cute things done with it!  I'm going to blame these next pictures on hormones!=)  I started crying after I opened it!  I have secretly been wishing for this for several past Christmases and Birthdays, and I couldn't believe Joe had been so sweet and gotten it for me.  I hadn't even said anything to him about it for a very long time!    

Of course Joe was laughing and taking pictures because he couldn't believe I was crying!=)  He said "you didn't even cry like this when I proposed!"  He was so sweet though and said later "I know you've wanted this, and since you're going to be home now until you have the baby I wanted you to have something to keep you from getting bored."  How sweet is he?! I have one amazing husband. 

Every year we draw names in my family and this year Tiffany and her family got our family.  I forgot to take a picture, but she made the cutest box of money(out of a box of chocolates) for Joe since he just wanted cash for his smoker.  I got some cute shirts that I have been needing with this growing belly, and a gift card to my favorite store(Hobby Lobby).  She was so excited for us to open the present for the baby.  She said she bought it before she even knew the gender because she would have kicked herself if she didn't buy it and found out we were having a girl.  Is this not the CUTEST thing you've ever seen?!

It's even wearing little high heels!  I can't wait until the nursery is done and we can put it in the baby's room.  Right now Joe has designated a spot on the mantel for it since we don't have many decorations yet!=)  I LOVE it!  Thanks Dillan!

We invited Joe's sister, Serena, and several families from our ward over that didn't have family to spend the holiday with.  I knew I would be depressed if I just sat there in a quiet house and thought about what my family was doing, and the fact that I couldn't be there.  So, we cleared out the front room, set up some church tables and chairs, and made a party out of it!  It ended up being so much fun!  I'm kicking myself for not taking a picture of everyone, but here were the tables all set up!

Joe even used his new smoker and smoked the turkey for dinner!  It was SO good!  

A few days after  Christmas we went to Palestine where Joe grew up.  His dad and Sharon are in Utah for the holidays so it was just us.  I love going to visit Palestine!  It's a small town so there's a slower pace and it's just so relaxing.  We went for a drive and Joe took me to the school he went to growing up, we cuddled and watched movies, went to restaurants he loves there, played games, and just took it easy.  We went to visit Joe's best friend Tanner, and we got to do some shooting out on their property.  It was so much fun to watch these boys together, laughing and having fun!  

They even shot up a couple pumpkins that Tanner's mom was done with.  

 I even took a turn, and I must say that Joe was pretty impressed with my shooting skills!=)  Don't judge my pink sweatpants.  It's Palestine!=)

After we got back we went and got Joe his other present he's been wanting so badly.  A new rifle. He couldn't decide if he wanted a 270 or 30-06, so for months he had been researching the differences, asking friends who owned either what they liked or didn't like about their rifle, and we went to Academy a thousand times so he could hold it and look through the scope!  I don't know who was more excited that he actually bought it!  I just wanted him to make up his mind and buy one already!=)  He used the money he got for Christmas, some of his bonus, and I pitched in some.  I had given him a camo jacket and shirt that he needed for hunting, but I didn't dare just buy the gun until I knew for sure what he wanted.  There's no returns on firearms so I couldn't mess up=)

Look at the smile on his face!  He was so happy to finally have a rifle for hunting.

If you were to ask me last Christmas if I thought I would have been in Pearland for Christmas I would have said NO WAY!! I was so excited to be home for Christmas, but I have learned that life doesn't always go how we plan it!  I need to learn to expect the unexpected!=)  We did have a wonderful Christmas, and I feel like Joe and I grew closer over the holidays by just spending so much time together since he was off work. It's our last Christmas with just the two of us, and under the circumstances it couldn't have been better.   Next year we will have a sweet baby girl to share it with!